T + 1 - That's what I'm calling today

I woke up this morning happy for a bit...I slept like a rock. Oh except for I had this dream where all my hair broke off and I was worried no one would recognize me. I figured it had something to do with losing my job. I also woke up super early and laid there unable to sleep so I watched the news to see if my company's layoffs made the news - they did. I feel badly about everyone affected.

So I walked around my house for a few minutes and got really really mad. I know everyone keeps telling me anger is a normal feeling and I get that it's ok to be mad but I don't feel it's good for me to be mad because it won't get me anywhere. Oh and I know about the five stages of irritating stuff and just want to be over it.

I decided to call today T+1 (termination plus one). It sounds really proactive doesn't it? Like here's where I go from here. I feel kind of excited because maybe I am at the forefront of great things for a while. Then I watch reruns of The Nanny, Golden Girls and it's the one where Rose loses her pension, Frasier and of course it's the one where Frasier loses his job -- I set Tivo to record "Days of Our Lives" and go out to lunch.

I'm mad though about this job thing. I wanted to figure out what really is bugging me and of course it's in no particular order -

• I'm dissappointed
• I am mad at everyone
• I like them all which is why I'm mad because I feel like I hate them
• I'm worried about what I'm going to do next
• I'm worried I won't do anything next
• I have no idea what the next month is going to be like going to work with people who weren't laid off and managing a team that was...

I decided not to go to work today...what is the worst that can happen? Oh yeah, we got our tax bill yesterday. Why does stuff happen all in one day. That's another story

So what am I going to do today...be mad, and clean my house. I can be a homemaker and have a clean house. But my place is only about 550 square feet so cleaning it doesn't take that long. I don't want to start looking for a new job yet. I'm not over being pissed about losing this one.

I was driving home from lunch I had to drive by my work. It was so that same feeling like when you get dumped and you drive by your ex-boyfriends house late at night to see if he's home. i was like "oh I hope they don't see me" and then I thought well I do still work there for a while anyway.

Everyone is being really nice to me and I've been able to have great talks with everyone in my family and a few of my close friends. I haven't told anyone else though. The sad looks from my friends at work who are staying are going to be hard enough.