Today...

Today I just feel kind of blue.

I am actually kind of sick of the whole thing actually but what's frustrating is that I feel like I'm still deep in the middle of this whole ending. I keep hearing about the stages of dealing with change and have figured out that the progress is not linear.

I still at times feel like I am in denial. I must be because I'm not looking for a new job every second of every day. I haven't looked enough because I don't have one but at the same time I am a little excited about the prospect of a few weeks off.

I am no longer angry. Honestly, I'm not. I'm just kind of over that.

I'm sad so maybe that's grief? What am I sad about? It's not the job. Honestly it's not that...really, it's my friends...it's my life. My workplace has been such an important part of my life for a long time now. I always have someone to talk to, someone to joke with...there's always someone within 100 yards to play with if I'm bored or want to complain or gossip. We share so much because we're there together. I have best friends in two states and two countries and we are all as close as we ever were despite the lack of proximity. So you'd think I'd realize the odds are in my favor that by moving to another job nothing should change, and I'll be able to keep my friends. I just have gotten so comfortable and so happy with everything.

It's really a moot point. it's done. I don't have a job left. Oh and to that person who on Friday lectured me because my department had somehow inconvenienced them...trust me, you won't be getting any calls from our clients anymore. Back to what I was thinking...it is over. I think of all of the emotions I am really just annoyed and irritated with myself for letting this dominate my life for the past weeks. But like I said, I'm kind of in the middle of the ending for a little bit longer. Fortunately tomorrow it's Cinco de Mayo tomorrow. A well-timed margarita and maybe a mariachi band makes everything better.