Dangerfield Newby (it's just a cool name). Actually the subject today is humility. And opposites. And summer weather.

There’s something to be said about humility. There are quotes and clichés abound extolling the real virtue of humility. I checked and it is not one of the seven heavenly virtues but it could be. Fortunately for me, nothing is more humbling than the job search. Oooh, except for maybe being overweight or having bad skin when you’re a little kid.

To that effect, I have added a new feature to this blog which is my job stats. I will be keeping you all up to date on how many jobs I have applied for and what has been the outcome. Plus, I will also be featuring the best rejections I have received. (Before you think I’m upset, really, this stuff is all pretty good material as far as I’m concerned these days. ) I also think though that my experience is not unique and I want to share this information so that anyone job searching knows they are not alone. Really, not alone.

Beyond that…well, I have decided that maybe I should reexamine the ways I am looking for a job as well as what I am looking for. For anyone who is a Seinfeld fan, I have been a bit proponent of following George Costanza’s decision to do the opposite of everything he has done before as a way to improve his life's circumstances. This has PROVEN successful for me in the past in other ventures and I am now going to apply this principle to my job search. Any job I would have wanted while at my old job, I am going to reconsider. Maybe, just maybe, I am wrong about what I think I should be doing.

So in the meantime, it is GORGEOUS outside with better and better weather on the horizon. For everyone in their offices today, I’m heading outside. After I apply for the new daily quota of three jobs per day. Hey, I like being unemployed but I like money more!

It's only a catapult ride away

My internet went down on Saturday and just got it back up running today. Apparently because of some problem with the “fitting”, my modem was receiving so much information without regulation that it shorted out. Kind of similar to the way I was feeling last week and why I haven’t written since then.

I’ve found that telling people you’ve been laid off is a pretty inclusive statement. Everyone is really empathetic and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who didn’t have something to offer. People either have personal experiences to share about themselves or someone they know and everyone has suggestions about how to handle it. Complete strangers even have offered up advice and I get to wondering—what is it about being laid off that is so universal that everyone has something to say. Honestly, there have been times where I feel like the workforce equivalent of a pregnant woman with people asking to touch my belly. While the prospect of strangers actually touching my stomach creeps me the heck out, everyone’s input has been pretty illuminating because I think in some level, what they are saying and sharing is also a reflection on their own feelings about their jobs, their vulnerabilities and their own dreams.

What I’m hearing:

A staggering number of people volunteer to me that they wish they were laid off. I believe most of them mean it too. It really is sort of like being catapulted out of your routine and (ugh I’m over this phrase) out of your comfort zone and forced into the open to actually find something you want to do/are qualified to do/that people want you to do. I don’t wish anyone to actually be laid off but like hearing that these people are open to something completely new. I know I’ll be ok and they make me remember that if I forget. Maybe when I find my next thing and am happy and doing really well, I can be an example to them to just take the risk themselves.

Almost everyone has a story about either themselves or they know someone who got laid off and it was the best thing that ever happened to them. I think people want to share these stories because they think I am nervous or scared. Or, maybe they’re worried about their own jobs and if they can reassure me that everything can turn out for the very best in the end, it can also reassure their own nervous hearts that if it happens to them, they’ll also be ok.

I think some people think it’s contagious. I actually had someone I know practically run away from me the other day as we they were catching me up on what was new at my old job. It doesn’t rub off. If there are going to be layoffs at your company, or more at my old work – it’s going to happen regardless of if you hang out with me or preferably buy me a beer. Truthfully, in a lot of places the organizational or environmental structure that led the company to its present state hasn’t changed and even with less people to do the same amount of work or more isn’t enough to keep it solvent. (Sidenote If you get laid off, I know a great place to play shuffleboard for $3/hour AND have found lots of places for $4 dinners, free hikes AND I know three little kids under 5 who are willing to entertain you for hours with reruns of Scooby Doo all in exchange for a few hugs!)

There are also lots of folks who have advice. I have gotten LOTS of advice, oh and lots of people telling me about jobs they themselves wouldn’t want at all but share with me. What I’ve decided--Everyone who gives you advice usually loves you and wants to help. You can’t fault them for that. In fact it’s because they care that they do this. Usually these are action-oriented people focused on next steps and they may not understand exactly what you are going through or feeling but they are trying to help you move forward.

The way I see it is, because layoffs are almost always “out of the blue” that unpredictability takes people’s feelings of control away – if you are the ones laid off or the ones who survive it. You are reminded that there are lots of other people who are able to influence and ultimately decide your fate at work (and we know that for a lot of people work is a HUGE part of their lives). If you survive the layoffs, you are left wondering "will I be next" and maybe also feeling a little bit guilty for feeling angry at the increased workload you’ll now be saddled with or also maybe as the “why me” kicks in. If you’ve been laid off you also get the “why me” as well as the “what the hell am I going to do”. In both cases, you get scared and nervous. The reason everyone has something to offer is because those feelings are pretty universal. The thing that is important to remember is that we as individuals also have the ability and right to influence and decide our own fates at work and elsewhere.

The reality is there are lots of other things we can all do for work, and would do well at, and make more friends, and maybe if we’re lucky be even happier. Yes it’s super scary out there and more layoffs as we speak are being announced. But there are still jobs, and school, and maybe a bit of summer weather if you can find it. From my own catapult ride into the great wide open – I have found a LOT of options, a lot of fear, and maybe I’m also finding I like myself a lot better now.

Maybe those people are right – it really can be the best thing that ever happened. Now if I would only win the lottery.

"I always try to be candid" and other things you don't want to hear while dating -- or interviewing.

Yesterday I did talk to that guy who had emailed me about a job. It was an interview that broke the land-speed record for rejection.

When I saw the email yesterday morning from the guy, I called him back and was ready to talk in what I imagined would be an informal chat about my background. I thought this because in the email he wrote “I would like to chat with you for a few minutes about your background”. OK it wasn’t. In fact, it was a terrible phone call.

“Hello” I answered the phone.
“Hi, this is Dennis.” That was the best part of the conversation.

He didn’t ask me questions about my background. He asked me questions about his company which I didn’t know. He asked me questions that I felt foolish and uninformed answering. He asked me questions that I knew answers to but felt that the answers I was giving were wrong. I just thought he wanted to talk about my background like he said. When he asked what I know about advertising, I told him I felt I knew quite a bit but as it was a broad industry. I asked him if he was looking for anything specific and could hear him go “hmmm, I see” and could hear him writing something—AND he never did tell me what specifically he was looking for! What do I know about advertising agencies here in Seattle? I told him the names I knew, my familiarity with them and their client load, the work I had done with them in the past and how well it had turned out. I sat there on my bed trying to fire off the answers I thought he wanted to hear. I knew it wasn’t going well, mostly because he kept going “hmmm” and scribbling loud enough for me to hear it on the phone.

Then he said “I always try to be candid with people”. I felt tears start to well up in my eyes and my face got hot and I could feel my forehead grow damp and I had no idea why this was getting to me. “I’m all about finding the best fit for you” he started in and I was like oh crap really? He then told me I was the wrong fit and wouldn’t be a good fit, and didn’t have the knowledge or background or whatever he was looking for and something vague about keeping my apparently under-impressive resume around somewhere. Then as I was thanking him for his time and that was it.

I didn’t want that job and I really don’t want to involve myself with strangers that start sentences with “I feel the need be honest” or “I always try to be candid” or my favorite “I don’t mean to upset you, but…” I have enough friends on my team and don’t need a patronizing stranger telling me he’s all about what’s best for me.

That whole thing took four minutes. I even double-checked my cell phone afterwards. Four minutes to decide I was not right. I have always thought looking for a job was like dating…I just didn’t know I had signed up for speed dating.

Ah, what can you do? I did make $8 in online surveys yesterday, sold two books on Amazon and today my auctions on eBay close tomorrow so money is good. As for a job…well, I’ll keep looking.

If it's only money...

Money – it’s a weird thing. Most people don’t like to talk about how much they earn and how much they have and we all like to daydream about how much we want. One of the big issues I am working with right now is money. I’m going to talk about it because I think it’s important to be honest with myself about where I am at because one, the money I had coming in is now stopped and with the amount of free time I have I need to find fun and affordable ways to see my friends, entertain myself, and keep myself busy.

Unemployment. First things first, anyone who thinks that someone is just “milking it” and living off unemployment has never received any. I receive the maximum allowed in my state and I will tell you that while not a paltry sum, it is hardly anything to get rich off of – or maybe even survive off of if I had children or an expensive dog. With rent or a mortgage payment, a car payment, groceries and other financial obligations unemployment does not go far at all.

I know that a lot of people forego health insurance during unemployment. I am NOT one of those people. According to the Medical Expenditure Panel Survey from 2003, the average out of pocket expenditure for an emergency room visit was $560. That’s over a week’s worth of unemployment compensation! Considering COBRA is about $200/month for me right now, it’s worth the money – here’s why. The last time I switched jobs I took COBRA from my previous employer for the three months my new job required I wait before they’d cover me. In those three months, I tripped over a pair of shoes I left on the floor of my room and then hit my head on the footboard of my bed giving me a concussion and a cut that needed stitches. Two weeks later I had a car accident which seconded the concussion. A month and a half after that I had another emergency room visit after a freak rollerblading accident (those old women were out to get me!), and finally an emergency CAT scan after my doctor feared I had done permanent damage from previously mentioned two concussions. OK I know what you are saying and unfortunately I am not kidding. I am a clumsy person and as such I recognize the need to take reasonable precautions which for me means I will buy less of anything to keep my health insurance up to date. Fortunately for me, as part of my separation from my job my employer is paying ½ the cost of the COBRA. Go them and go me!

With unemployment, I am able to continue putting in my same share of money to K's (my husband's) and my household account from which we pay our rent, groceries, car payment, cell phones, etc which because I feel a bit shaky at times about having no job (I know it's stupid and ridiculous) but meeting my obligations financially helps me feel really good about myself. I also need to worry about retirement and put some money towards that no matter how small. I sometimes hate thinking about the long run and planning for the future. Sometimes there is really something to be said for acting like the grasshopper instead of the ant – oh wait I did that most of my life already. Once I’ve done all this I have a bit of money to play with. So what do you do for fun when you have all the time in the world and fixed income (again cue retired people in my life who are living this on a daily basis and loving it).

I want to see my friends and family and enjoy the (still cloudy late spring) weather. What’s fun – happy hour is fun, seeing my friends is fun, working out is fun, going out is fun – I think though I need to focus on ways to combine the things I like to do that are free with my friends and family to “do it all” on less money. If you stay home alone and mope you’ll be lonely and unhappy and again there is enjoyment to be had in this freedom. Just need to find ways to enjoy it for under $20.

I found a great shuffleboard game at The Zoo on Eastlake, for $3/hour and $4/beer you can have a heck of a lot of fun for hours with you friends for cheap – not too shabby. Happy Hours work well too because you can meet up with friends and for $15/each or so have a few bites to eat, a good drinks and lots of catching up. I am avoiding big price tag events like shows, non-matinee movies and events like that. In general the rule is, if the price tag is over $20 then its out.

So to my friends and fam, you’ll likely be getting emails and calls from me to join the new Monday evening hiking club where we’ll do a new hike each Monday evening (it doesn’t get dark until 9:00 after all), go for walks, happy hours for those not inclined to walk/hike, and maybe a BBQ or two. I won’t be up for a trip to Vegas yet but I got an email from a recruiter this morning. The job listing was awesome and read something like “if you’re a fun, hard-working person who loves Business Development then send us your resume. If you’re not and you can still send us your resume we won’t call you.” Keep your fingers crossed – I’ll keep you posted.
Until then off to the gym – it’s free!

it's only life (lifetime TV anyway)

So I realized after receiving many thoughtful emails and calls that I have been down and wow, how it showed in my last entry here. Thank you everyone for being so thoughtful and checking in with me.

I spent the afternoon yesterday with my nieces and nephews watching eight Scooby-Doo episodes (those meddling kids!) and talking with my niece about why we don’t wear bowls on our head (they don’t stay on as well as buckets and if they fall off they may break), why I paint my toenails (to give me something to do), and why we don’t eat cookies standing on our heads (crumbs get on the floor). My nephew turned to me and told me he couldn’t hear the show and then said “I love you very much”. OK it is impossible to feel anything but completely happy after a five year old takes a break from his favorite show to tell you that. Oh and he did point out that he thought it was funny that Scooby could talk to people and to other dogs.

So even though the weather is pretty ugh here today I wanted to spend a few minutes to list some of the things I have figured out with my time off.

1) If my next big thing is waiting for me to find it, I’ll have a lot more luck if I’m looking for it rather than sitting in my old office wondering how to spend my time and researching jobs just like the one I had. I may not have ever left that job without another one lined up and I feel like now I can really just sort of throw the rules and limitations to the wind and find something absolutely amazing for myself.

2) I am working on writing more which I really enjoy and wouldn’t have re-explored had I still been sitting in said office.

3) I don’t have to sit in that awful, dungeon of an office anymore!

4) I get to watch reruns with impunity, in shorts and a t-shirt, AND my paint my toenails.

5) I find myself talking about a lot more than work with people. Wow I had forgotten there were entire worlds out there that don’t revolve around my old job.

6) I have really started to focus on my friendships more. I had no idea I took working on them for granted. Regardless I find myself reaching out to all of my friends more and trying to make time for each of them. Maybe part of talking about stuff besides work?

7) I have discovered I have seen every episode of The Golden Girls now multiple times but I have found that the types of commercials on Lifetime TV during the day are geared for people riding around in scooters, taking cholesterol medicine, having weekend face-lifts and planning on redecorating their backyards. Maybe I need to find a new network to watch…although the scooter chairs look pretty awesome.

8) Everyone wishes they had more time off. My friends who have had time off and are working caution me to make sure I don’t go back to work too soon. My retired relations – same thing. Many people wish they themselves would be laid off. So you can see with this type of positive feedback it’s hard to be too upset with it.

Now back to Lifetime TV. Blanche just bought a Mercedes and we’re waiting for the pig that Rose inherited to kick the bucket…oh if I were only making it up. I’d change the channel but my toenails are wet and I don’t want to smudge them looking for the remote.

Is it just a job after all?

I keep hearing it from people who mean well…it was just a job; a job is just what you do for money so you can buy the things you need for your life…if this is the case, why does losing your job dent your self-esteem? Just Google “Self-esteem and job loss” and you’ll find out that 287,000 websites testify to the fact that losing your job does in fact dent your armor and depending on the person, it can do worse than that..

I really had thought I was past most of the emotional reaction to losing my job. I have very little patience with my own emotions when they don’t mirror the happiness and almost aggressive optimism I pride myself on showing to the world. I’m the happy one DAMNIT! You can understand then why after losing my job weeks ago I was completely thrown by what I was feeling over the end of last week.

As soon as I realized I was going to have time off I made a decision to kick my ass in the gym and get in really good shape. I work out a lot as it is but figured I would have a lot of time and should get back into college shape – the kind of shape you are in when all you do is walk everywhere and workout hours everyday to avoid studying ( –what you didn’t do that?) But last week I found myself picking apart my physical appearance and becoming less and less happy. I really think that one of the best things about being in your thirties is you really have come to accept yourself as you are and it had felt really good. But recently and without warning I found myself rescinding that peace accord with my body and becoming unhappy. I was also worrying about other things that I had previously been secure about including some close friendships and relationships that mean the world to me.

I started to realize with the help of my husband who has been very generous in sharing his own experiences that maybe this was related to losing my job. I had always felt incredibly secure in my job and it was the one thing in my life that I had known I was good at. I know I know I have worked hard at and hopefully been a great friend and a great sister and I’m a good reader, and a decent driver --car not golf, and am fun but in terms of skills I’ve never been a superstar until my last job (I even won an award my first year called the superstar award). I know objectively it wasn’t the only thing but I was a winner there (literally! I have the clock to prove it) and regardless and without warning, that ended. And since then admittedly my attempts at finding another job have been perfunctory, but the lack of response to my applications and resumes has hardly been inspiring especially in the case of places where they called me and then when I followed up – poof nothing.

Note to HR managers out there…just send SOMETHING when people apply.
It’s like waiting for a guy you gave your number to in a bar to call and even
though he asked for it days pass and nothing. You spend more than the
minute you should spend on this wondering if you did something wrong.

And so because that one thing that I was good at and took for granted went away, I started to question the things I also took as givens in my life – the relationships I have with many of those closest to me including myself. It is amazing to me that self-esteem and self-worth are things we work our whole lives to build. So easily they are knocked aside by externalities.

Maybe seeing the link between my self-doubt about my personal life and how I felt about losing my job was the key. I started to talk about it and mentally walk myself through it and once again reasoning things out began to help the doubts and darkness dissipate and put back into perspective why I was feeling crummy about myself. In the case of how I feel about losing my job – it was JUST a job. The job is not the way my husband, or my friends and family feels about me. The job is not the way that I have always proven I can take care of myself and what’s important to me. That job and how it ended does not get to define how I feel about myself as an entire person.

Second side note -- I will also take a minute to say that whenever you are blue;
give a little kid in your life a cool toy. A hug from a little kid who
thinks you are the most fun person on Earth even for a few minutes can
really take you a long way towards feeling happy again.