Is it just a job after all?

I keep hearing it from people who mean well…it was just a job; a job is just what you do for money so you can buy the things you need for your life…if this is the case, why does losing your job dent your self-esteem? Just Google “Self-esteem and job loss” and you’ll find out that 287,000 websites testify to the fact that losing your job does in fact dent your armor and depending on the person, it can do worse than that..

I really had thought I was past most of the emotional reaction to losing my job. I have very little patience with my own emotions when they don’t mirror the happiness and almost aggressive optimism I pride myself on showing to the world. I’m the happy one DAMNIT! You can understand then why after losing my job weeks ago I was completely thrown by what I was feeling over the end of last week.

As soon as I realized I was going to have time off I made a decision to kick my ass in the gym and get in really good shape. I work out a lot as it is but figured I would have a lot of time and should get back into college shape – the kind of shape you are in when all you do is walk everywhere and workout hours everyday to avoid studying ( –what you didn’t do that?) But last week I found myself picking apart my physical appearance and becoming less and less happy. I really think that one of the best things about being in your thirties is you really have come to accept yourself as you are and it had felt really good. But recently and without warning I found myself rescinding that peace accord with my body and becoming unhappy. I was also worrying about other things that I had previously been secure about including some close friendships and relationships that mean the world to me.

I started to realize with the help of my husband who has been very generous in sharing his own experiences that maybe this was related to losing my job. I had always felt incredibly secure in my job and it was the one thing in my life that I had known I was good at. I know I know I have worked hard at and hopefully been a great friend and a great sister and I’m a good reader, and a decent driver --car not golf, and am fun but in terms of skills I’ve never been a superstar until my last job (I even won an award my first year called the superstar award). I know objectively it wasn’t the only thing but I was a winner there (literally! I have the clock to prove it) and regardless and without warning, that ended. And since then admittedly my attempts at finding another job have been perfunctory, but the lack of response to my applications and resumes has hardly been inspiring especially in the case of places where they called me and then when I followed up – poof nothing.

Note to HR managers out there…just send SOMETHING when people apply.
It’s like waiting for a guy you gave your number to in a bar to call and even
though he asked for it days pass and nothing. You spend more than the
minute you should spend on this wondering if you did something wrong.

And so because that one thing that I was good at and took for granted went away, I started to question the things I also took as givens in my life – the relationships I have with many of those closest to me including myself. It is amazing to me that self-esteem and self-worth are things we work our whole lives to build. So easily they are knocked aside by externalities.

Maybe seeing the link between my self-doubt about my personal life and how I felt about losing my job was the key. I started to talk about it and mentally walk myself through it and once again reasoning things out began to help the doubts and darkness dissipate and put back into perspective why I was feeling crummy about myself. In the case of how I feel about losing my job – it was JUST a job. The job is not the way my husband, or my friends and family feels about me. The job is not the way that I have always proven I can take care of myself and what’s important to me. That job and how it ended does not get to define how I feel about myself as an entire person.

Second side note -- I will also take a minute to say that whenever you are blue;
give a little kid in your life a cool toy. A hug from a little kid who
thinks you are the most fun person on Earth even for a few minutes can
really take you a long way towards feeling happy again.